Monday, February 1, 2010

Cry Baby

My daughter was watching a commercial about a woman accepting a marriage proposal. She looks over at me and poses the following question: "Dad, what would someone do if they proposed and the person said no? What would you do?" I had to stop and think a moment. A million scenarios went through my mind, none of which were much fun.

Finally I just conceded " I don't know, Gab. That would be awfully embarrassing, I guess. I am not sure what I would do." She kind of chuckled and said " You'd probably cry. Yeah, you would cry. Not me though. Because if that happened, I would be the one saying no, not the other way around."

She'll make a great therapist some day, huh? Full of empathy and compassion. And people wonder why I have no hair.

But the question still begs to be answered. What the hell would I do?

Join the Catholic Church and become a priest? Why not? Hell, after 2,000 years Mary is still a Virgin, so clearly they're not interested in girls. It might be a good distraction.

Hide out in the garage with the door closed and suck on an exhaust pipe? No, the gay references would be too much for me to bare from the grave.

Buy the biggest paper bag I could find and put it over my head in embarrassment to wear the rest of my life? Nah, brown's not really my color.

Renew my subscription to Maxim? Right, one would assume I have cancelled it in the first place. Not likely.

Change my name to Renaldo and move to a far away country and take up the art of selling dead roses out of the back of my truck on the side of the road to unwitting tourists? Throw in a pair of maracas, and you have yourself a deal.

But then again, it could be worse. How would you like to be this poor guy?

Pensioner Rides Wheelchair 125 Miles to Propose
By Neal Colgrass Posted Aug 22, 09 3:55 PM CDT
http://www.newser.com/story/67518/pensioner-rides-wheelchair-125-miles-to-propose.html

(Newser) – Lovestruck in Northern Germany, a 67-year-old pensioner traveled more than 125 miles in an arm-powered wheelchair to propose to the woman he loved, Der Spiegel reports. When she turned him down, he turned around for the 4-day journey home and stopped in a cornfield for food........

How cold is this broad? I can just picture this poor SOB pumping away with his frail little arms, over hills and through valleys just envisioning the life he was about to lead with his one true love changing his colostomy bag on a daily basis while she cries at the thought of never dancing another waltz again. Only to be rejected. The least she could have done was offer him cab fare.

Or how about this poor bastard? Or, maybe he lucked out, depending on how you look at it.

The Most Disastrous Marriage Proposal Ever
Huffington Post - Anya Strzemien
First Posted: 03-17-08 10:41 AM

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/03/17/the-most-disastrous-marri_n_91870.html

It is the one moment every man wants to get right -- and which London floor-fitter Lefkos Hajji could hardly have got more wrong....Hajji, of Hackney, East London, had concealed a $12,000 engagement ring inside a helium balloon. The idea was that she would pop the balloon as he popped the question. But as he left the shop, a gust of wind pulled the balloon from his hand and he watched the ring -- and quite possibly the affections of his girlfriend -- sailing away over the rooftops.
"I had to tell her the story -- she went absolutely mad. Now she is refusing to speak to me until I get her a new ring."

Wow, that's one expensive I told you so. The dude spends more money on a ring for this woman than I spent on my last car, and she REFUSES to speak to him? In hindsight I say that's the best 12k he ever spent.

I am not sure what I would do. Probably sulk for a little while, eat obsessively for a week, and not shave for a month.

And I'd be sure to hide my tears from my daughter.

I wouldn't want her to worry that her old man isn't tough enough.

Cry baby, indeed.