Saturday, January 30, 2010

I'm Stopping Payment on My Reality Check.

Steven Tyler said it best in Aerosmith's Livin' On The Edge ( and arguably the last good song they ever recorded ). Don't Wanna Miss a Thing? Pink? Amazing? Please…. I liked that band better when they were high on coke. But that's a story for another day.

There's something wrong with the world today
I don't know what it is
Something's wrong with our eyes


But our eyes are just fine. We are seeing exactly what's going on. We just don't know the root cause. Is it plain stupidity? Drugs? Environmental?

Lord only knows.

Take a look at some of these headlines I have found and you tell me. Are we doomed as a society? I seriously think that when God was handing out brains, these mental midgets thought he said trains, and said "Cool!!! I'll take the slow one!!"

Pastor Accused Of Pulling Gun On Son At Church
Tenn. Pastor Accused Of Threatening Son With Gun At Church Over His Lack Of Church
Attendance


(AP) ALCOA, Tenn. (AP) - The son of a well-known Alcoa pastor has taken out an order of protection against his father, claiming he was threatened with a gun during an argument at a church over his lack of church attendance.

The younger man told police his father pulled out a handgun when they met at the church to discuss church attendance. He told officers his father pointed the gun at him and threatened to kill him, his wife and family.

So…… he blames his adult son for the fact that people would rather be at home sitting on the couch scratching their asses, watching Football than listen to his coma-inducing sermons? " Come and pray with me in the name of the Lord and help spread good will towards men. Or I'll blow your God damn knee caps off!!"

Police: Colo. Dad Ordered Kids To Bite Officers
Colo. Police Say Dad Accused Of Passing Out At McDonalds Ordered Kids To Bite Officers' Faces

(AP) COLORADO SPRINGS, Colo. (AP) - Police in Colorado arrested a 28-year-old man accused of passing out in a McDonald's play area and telling his two children to bite the officers who were trying to arrest him. Colorado Springs police said officers had to use a Taser on Joshua Alger to subdue him Wednesday after he allegedly passed out drunk at the fast-food restaurant.

Police said Alger refused officers' orders and at one point told his children to "bite the officers' faces off."

Do you think he was pissed because McDonald's stopped selling the McRib? This genius sounds like another reason why the gene pool needs more chlorine. And to think, he was the fastest sperm.

Truck Driver Chokes On Chili And Crashes Into Home
Lumber Truck Driver Hits Bump And Chokes On Wendy's Chili, Crashing Into Mass. Home, Police Say

(AP) LOWELL, Mass. (AP) - Police said a Massachusetts lumber truck crashed into a home after the driver was knocked unconscious by a small chili from Wendy's, Lowell police said.

Eric Gremm reported that he choked on the chili when the truck hit a bump, causing him to pass out as the flatbed truck veered off the road and slammed into the home. The man, 59, said emergency workers at the scene told him that he had passed out, but he could not
remember losing consciousness.

Police said he could be cited for eating while driving.

He should have gone to McDonald’s and ordered the McRib. Eating while driving? That's a crime? "Honey, can you please pass me a fry?" " Not until we get passed that roadblock up ahead, dear."


Priest Accused Of Shoplifting Butter, Sofa Cover
Illinois Priest Accused Of Shoplifting Butter, Sofa Cover And Switching Bar Code From
Wal-Mart


(AP) WEST CITY, Ill. (AP) - A Roman Catholic priest was accused of shoplifting butter and a sofa cover at a Wal-Mart in southern Illinois. Police arrested 41-year-old the Rev. Steven Poole on Friday. He's charged with two felony theft counts. Investigators said Poole failed to scan a $3.22 container of butter and a $60 sofa cover at a self-checkout. Poole then allegedly went to the store's bedding section, picked up a memory foam mattress and switched the pricing bar code. That caused the $145 item to be scanned for $31.

More proof that the Catholic Church is out of touch with the modern times. He should have just used a gun like the pastor from Tenn.


Pa. Woman Manages To Crash Car Into Her Own Home
Philadelphia Police Puzzled After Woman Somehow Manages To Crash Car Into Her Own House

(AP) HARLEYSVILLE, Pa. (AP) - Police in suburban Philadelphia are trying to figure out how a woman crashed her car into her own house. Police said the crash happened early Wednesday morning in Harleysville, about 25 miles outside of Philadelphia. The unidentified woman was uninjured and able to get out of the car, but the house is badly damaged.

This is one hell of a way to get out of doing laundry. I swear, the longer I live, the more I believe that Playskool needs to make an operating system. Giving a woman car keys is like giving a monkey a loaded machine gun.

Now my head hurts about as much as being whacked in the nuts with a wet sock full of quarters.

The world is full of people too stupid to pour piss out of a boot with instructions on the heel.

I don't think this is what God had in mind when he told man to go forth and multiply. Maybe human beings should have learned how to add and subtract first.