Sunday, January 24, 2010

Why I'm Here



OK, so here I am. A very good friend of mine suggested I do this. She states that I am a naturally gifted writer with a story to share. The only problem is, most of my stories require proof of age, and the ability to unstick the pages.

Will this work? Who the hell knows. But we may as well have some fun while we're at it.

See, the problem is that most of time, inspriation hits during the course of conversation. I need that personal interaction. I can't just sit here and think of what to write, what stories to tell, what jokes to lay out. It just happens naturally.

So, let me introduce myself and see where this goes.

My name is Dave. I am a 35 year old single father of a 10 year old girl who means the world to me. But sometimes, truth be told, she's lucky she's cute. I keep telling her if she keeps up her smart assed mouth I'm sending her back where she came from. Unfortunately for me, her mother seems to think that my hairy coin purse is my daughter's true place of origin, so this matter is still up for debate.

I never in a million years thought I would do something such as this. I mean, I have ( well.... had ) a sex life and thought only lonely 40 year old virgins living in Mommy's basement did something like this. Seeing as how I'm not a virgin ( although with my recent track record you would think otherwise. I'm ready to sue Penthouse for my carpal tunnel ), and my parent's basement couldn't hold a lady bug's fart, never mind me and all my shit, I figured I was safe. Nope, no blogging for me!! I don't fit the profile. Sweet!!! One less thing for my daughter to roll her eyes at me for and tell me that I embarass her on a daily basis. " Dad, you need to grow up and start setting a better example." I cannot believe I get schooled by a 5th grader every day. Maybe Mom's basement isn't looking so bad after all.

But you know what? I'm OK with it. Because it takes all kinds. And there are so many self-respecting bloggers out there who have a lot to teach the world. Doctors and lawyers and teachers and authors and porn stars ( what? porn stars can write too. can't they? ) and garbage men have something to say. ( my childhood dream, by the way. Way to shoot for the moon Dave. Most kids wanted to be baseball players or firemen, or cops. Nope!!! Not this kid. I wanted to play with 55 gallon drums full of maggots and water soaked garbage bags and ride on the back of the truck doing 55 down the highway while the smell of sour trash and swamp ass hit me in the face in the middle of August. What the sweet chocolate Christ in Heaven was I thinking? I must have eaten too many lead paint chips as a baby. My mother kept telling me they were Frosted Flakes )

I don't have anything to teach anyone. I'm just hear to meet women. Since the rock star thing didn't work out ( lack of talent and eventually hair led to this dream being shattered really quick. But hey, I can still empty a mean trash can with the best of em' ) And hopefully share a laugh or two.

This is why I'm here.

Dave